Emotions Aren’t the Enemy: Learning to Work With, Not Against, Your Feelings
Many of us have been taught, directly or indirectly, that emotions are something to control, suppress, or even fear. We hear phrases like "stop being so emotional," "just push through," or "don't let your feelings get the best of you." Over time, we internalize the belief that emotions are obstacles rather than guides, problems rather than signals. But the truth is, suppressing emotions doesn’t make them go away—it makes them louder, more painful, and harder to manage.
The Cost of Emotional Suppression
When we suppress our emotions, we don’t eliminate them—we bury them. However, emotions have a way of resurfacing, often in ways we don’t expect. Think about pushing a beach ball into a pool… eventually, the ball pops back up and might even hit you in the face on the way back into the air. Research has shown that emotional suppression can contribute to increased anxiety, depression, physical health issues, and difficulties in relationships.
Rather than disappearing, unacknowledged feelings may show up as chronic stress, irritability, burnout, or even physical symptoms like headaches, tension, or digestive issues. The more we try to "control" our emotions by pushing them down, the more they control us in return.
Why Self-Compassion is the Key to Healing
The antidote to emotional suppression is self-compassion—the ability to meet your emotions with kindness rather than judgment. When we shift from resisting our emotions to understanding and working with them, we begin to heal.
Self-compassion allows us to:
Recognize that emotions are a part of the human experience
Offer ourselves the same kindness we would extend to a close friend
Learn from our emotions rather than fear them
Create space for emotional healing rather than avoidance
How to Start Working With Your Emotions
If you’re used to suppressing your emotions, shifting to a mindset of acceptance and self-compassion can feel foreign at first. Here are a few steps to begin:
Explore Body Sensations- Begin to notice any sensations that may be present in your body - tightness, tingling, heaviness, temperature, etc.
Name Your Feelings – See if you can connect the sensations to a particular feeling. Simply identifying what you're feeling (e.g., "I feel sad," "I'm frustrated," "I'm anxious") can help you gain clarity and lessen emotional overwhelm.
Validate Your Experience – Instead of dismissing your emotions, remind yourself that your feelings are real and valid. You don’t need to justify or explain them.
Be Curious, Not Judgmental – Instead of labeling emotions as "good" or "bad," get curious. What might your emotions be trying to tell you? Often, they are messengers pointing toward unmet needs or unresolved wounds.
Offer Yourself Compassion – Imagine how you would comfort a friend who was feeling the same way. What words would you say? How would you support them? Try offering yourself that same care.
Emotions as Allies, Not Enemies
Emotions are not something to battle or suppress—they are essential signals or messages guiding us toward deeper understanding and healing. When we stop treating emotions as the enemy and start working with them, we increase our ability to have emotions, develop self-awareness, and create inner peace.
If you’re struggling to navigate your emotions or find yourself caught in patterns of suppression, therapy can help. At Upstream Therapy, we create a space where emotions can be safely explored and understood, rather than feared or dismissed. Healing begins when we stop fighting ourselves and start listening instead.
You don’t have to do this alone. Reach out today to begin your journey toward self-compassion and emotional healing.
